Coming Home
by LoveDrugs
Summary: A story about strong feelings and deep passion. '"Hey Shizuru, it's me. As usual you didn't answer my call (…) You and I…it hurts. It hurts mon amour, it hurts to love you (…) So I'm leaving Japan, I'm leaving you (…) will learn to live without you…" What will happen? What exactly happened? Come and find out ;) Rated M for later chapters and possible strong language.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi hi my little kittens! It's been a long time, i know and i'm sorry but i've been really busy with my studies and i had to travel all around France to pass some important tests. Actually, i'm exhausted and in need of parties :D**_

_**During my stay in each cities, i wrote a new story because i didn't have the chapters of PRISONER but don't worry i continue to write this story. The chapter 4 will come soon and is nearly finished so be careful ;)**_

_**Coming home is really about feelings and deep love, a change for me and i really hope you will find it interesting.**_

_**Please, enjoy! (Like a bonus for the wait?) **_

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

The moon rose high in the sky and was shining brightly like the powerful celestial body she was. Some rays of dark blue light pierced the window and fell right on the beautiful raven hair of her lover.

She raised her left arm and gently traced her slim waist. Her skin was so soft, so pale, it should be a sin and her well defined muscles… Mmmm…

Oh what she would give to hold her forever and never let go…

But she couldn't.

She turned around in the bed and saw the time on the clock: 2:00 AM.

She sighed sadly and got up lowly, careful of not awaking her companion. With the sheets tightly wrapped around her body, she began wondering around the bedroom in search of her clothes.

Still silently she got dressed and brushed her hair, unaware of a stirring sleeping beauty.

Said girl opened her eyes and breathed deeply, knowing perfectly what was happening. Despite that, she tried her luck and patted the space behind her…Empty… as expected, but disappointing nevertheless.

She closed her eyes again, swallowing her pain and whispered faintly "You're leaving again?"

The curly brown haired girl in question stopped her movements "You know, I have to go before he comes back…"

"Just some more hours please" pleaded the dark beauty.

"I'm married, you know that"

"I know that pretty well thanks! One fucking night! It's just what I'm asking for, to be able to wake up beside you and not beside an empty cold bed!" fired back the hurt woman.

"Natsuki…" prayed Shizuru facing her lover.

"Leave him, come with me, stay with me" breathed desperately the biker.

"I don't have the choice…" answered the brunette with a sad face and teary eyes.

"We all have the choice" spat the lying girl.

"Natsuki… Please, not again." Begged Shizuru.

"Fine, Go! Get out! Go to him!" cried Natsuki.

Unable to restrain her tears anymore, Shizuru let them fell on her soft tan skin. She stood up, grabbed her bag and headed to her other half.

She bent toward the girl and tried to kiss her goodbye but Natsuki turned her head at the last second, refusing to give in.

Clouded by despair, Shizuru kissed her beautiful strands of raven hair and murmured longingly "I love you, I love you so much mon petit coeur" and left.

The door closed and Natsuki broke in sobs and tears... Heartbroken once more by an nth argument with her soul mate.

* * *

Have you ever been in love?

Not the sweet and kind one but the real love, the passionate and ripping one. Just like the ancient Greeks thought: something so strong, so hard, so consuming, it could be dead dangerous; a passion like no other.

A love which eats you from the inside, a love which blinds you from everything, a love which makes you crazy with want and desire, a love which can send you into oblivion in one little minute.

It seems you can't survive without your lover, you're jealous as hell, you just want to hold her/him forever and ever, you want skin to skin contact, in fact you crave it. You discovered your romantic side more pronounced than ever and you would die for any of her love words.

It's the meeting between ice and magma, it's an explosion between your souls, it's a constant firework in your mind but you melt every time she/he comes near you.

It's so intense.

It's unavoidable.

It's fate.

But at the end, you wouldn't change it for anything else.

And I, Natsuki Kruger, the former Ice Princess of Fuuka High school, fell in the depth of the passion.

I fell so deeply with no other than the great, successful and amazingly beautiful Shizuru Viola.

Meaningless, what I am about to do is going to kill a part of me.

You see, she was forced to marry with the heir of the Kanzaki's Empire to assure the alliance of the two best company of Japan.

An arranged marriage where she couldn't say anything because her parents didn't believe in true love and more particularly in me. Well, how could their dreams of great success and unlimited wealth be if their biggest asset turned her back to them to be with me, a simple daughter of a French mechanic and German woman exiled in Japan who just began a new lingerie company with little success in Europe?

That is the question. That is the problem.

So we bypassed it. During the last two years, she came see me late at night and left early in the morning, she stayed at my apartment when he went to business trips, she made up excuses to phone me longer or hold me more.

We hated, we loved, and we hid, always in the dark but we were together and that was what was important.

But now? Now as she left me once again just like the last two years, just like the last 730 days, it hurts.

It hurts, it hurts us, and it hurts me. Too much.

And I can't bear it anymore, it's splitting my inside in two. I don't want to live like that, I don't want to wait in the dark eternally.

I don't want to be hurt anymore, I want the pain away.

I have to take my life back and move on. I need to take the lead of my future. It's not just a want, it's a need now.

My health and my sanity are at sack, it has to stop. We can't go on like that.

I open my eyes and I know when the first rays of the sun light my face and warm my freezing cheeks that I take a final decision.

I look at the clock, 6:00 AM, I shake my head softly and get up to shower. I send a message to my close friends and tell them to meet me at 8 o'clock at Mai's coffee shop because I have important news to announce.

I grab my leather jacket and helmet and go to my bike without even one last glance at the crime scene.

If I can't have you beside me, if I can't hold you when I want, if I can't be with you, I will have to learn to live without you.

The worst of it all? Now, I understand you more: I don't have a choice and it's killing me.

* * *

**8 o' clock **

I push the door of the coffee shop and to my surprise, all my friends are already here, even Nao with worried faces.

I try to smile in greeting but seen their heads, I didn't succeed…

I sit on the bar's stool and take a deep, deep breath, ready to spill it out.

They watch me silently but curious and still worried as if I will tell them my imminent death. Well, almost the same.

"I'm leaving" I state bluntly.

"WHAT?!" they all shout in unison.

"I'm leaving Japan and going to France."

"What the fuck mutt?! Did you hit your head or something?" Nao asks dumbfounded while Chie and Mai continue to gasp mouth wide open.

"Don't start Nao" I growl "I need to leave, I have to conclude some deals and control my company directly at the base to hope expand my subsidiary."

Before Mai or Chie could answer, Nao narrows her eyes and hits the bar with her fist "BULLSHITS Natsuki! And you know that! I am your friend-"she mentions to the others "- we are your friends, do you think so poorly of us to lie like that? Don't we even deserve the truth?" her frustration grows double when she sees the destroyed look of pain in her best friend's eyes "Oh god, is this because of her?!"

I look away, ashamed of my tentative to hide my feelings but what can I say, bad habits are hard to quit.

Thinking about Nao's speech, about my current love's situation and everything, I break down again. I succeed to stammer between loud sobs and sharp cries "I…can't….it's..too…hard….i'm…dying ..slowly..I'm sorry"

Mai reacts immediately and cradled me in her motherly embrace. She rocks me slowly whispering sweet nothing in my ear "It's okay Nat, it's okay. We will be here for you, everything will be okay, I promise"

Chie grabs my hand and caresses it softly with her thumb and Nao? Nao is fuming with pure rage "I knew it! I knew she will destroy you!" "I swear, I swear I will beat some sense into that bitchy Kyoto woman-"

"Nao! Please, don't …" I cut her almost inaudibly.

She slumps in a chair and turns her head to hide her tears and escape the bright sad emeralds which are begging her to stop.

I calm down a little and speaks again "I need a fresh start, to begin again and I don't want anything to remind me of her. I will let this part of me die here"

"When do you want to leave?" demands Chie

"In two hours, I already got my ticket"

Mai's hug tightens and she begins to cry too. Nao refuses to cross my eyes and continues to stare at nothing sadly while Chie shakes her head "So soon?"

"It's now or never Chie"

* * *

After one hour of intense cries, hugs and ripping goodbyes, we decided to part to let me finish my last chore.

I throw my head back and look at the sky. I close my eyes and reopen them a few seconds later. I take my phone and slowly compose her number.

The ringing resounds during 2 or 3 minutes before her answering machine comes.

I sigh, as usual, she didn't answer, it would be too much of a clue… Funny don't you think?

And once again, I don't have the choice (twice in one day, it becomes really annoying to not control anything), so I let her a message… Smooth and charming to 'break up' I know, but what can I do? She doesn't answer my calls, I can't meet her without an official appointment and we're not supposed to meet before god knows when.

So I let her a message and I thank the karma 'cause maybe for once, things will be easier.

"Hey Shizuru, it's me. As usual you didn't answer my call so here I am, talking to your phone. But at the end, it's funny _(I let a nervous laugh escape my lips but I steady myself quickly,)_ in some way it makes things easier. I don't really know how to tell you this-"_my voice begins to crack and my husky tone tremble_ "-I can't do this, I can't pretend everything's right anymore, I'm not happy anymore-" _with my last words, my huskiness disappears and I am almost whispering, hurt and pain evident_ "-You and I…it hurts. It hurts mon amour, it hurts to love you and it hurts so much more to not be able to love you fully at the same time. And I just realized that it's not normal. It shouldn't hurt. I can't bear it anymore, the vision of you leaving me in the morning for him. I can't bear the thought of him touching you, kissing you and only god knows what you let him do. I can't." _all the frustration, all the pain, all the longing are clear in my voice maybe they are worse than my words_ "-So I'm leaving Japan, I'm leaving you and I'm leaving a part of me with you. Je t'aime, je t'aime tellement que s'en n'est plus possible*-» _despair takes over me now_ "-But don't worry, I will never find someone like you, I will never love someone like I do you. I will never forget you or try to replace you. It's useless because it's impossible. Nevertheless, there is something i will have to do… and it's to learn to live without you…"

I think my last sentence is the more intense and deep because I pour all my love in it and surely, they are the last words I will ever tell her...

"Shizuru, ma chérie, mon amour, mon ange, mon coeur, mon bébé, mon tout, mon âme soeur, ma moitié, l'amour de ma vie… Adieu.**"

* * *

**One hour later**

I wait at the airport, ready to go and restart everything. I just took a little bag with all my important papers and one change of clothes. I don't want anything from my past, I will just have to buy another set of clothes and stuffs. It doesn't matter, it's just material after all.

Suddenly, I hear the last call for my flight. I stand up and with one last glance at this country, I spot my three friends fifty feet away.

Finally, they came to say me goodbye.

I grin, happy to know that I still have people in my life, real friends and I realize this grin is the first real smile I wear in months.

Maybe it's a sign, a good soothsayer for my new life, I don't know, but I like that.

Before I step across the final door between I and the plane, I turn around and I yell "NAAOO!"

"What's up mutt? Miss me already?" she shouts backs smirking

I laugh heartily "Burn my old apartment!"

She gives me two thumbs up and adds "You can count on that butt-head!"

And with that, I climb on the plane.

**TBC…..**

* * *

*Je t'aime, je t'aime tellement que s'en est plus possible = I love you, I love you so much it's unbearable.

** Shizuru, ma chérie, mon amour, mon ange, mon coeur, mon bébé, mon tout, mon âme soeur, ma moitié, l'amour de ma vie… Adieu = Shizuru, my dear, my love, my angel, my heart, my baby, my everything, my soul mate, my other half, the love of my life…Farewell.

_**So, what do you think about this chapter? Did you love it or hate it ?**_

_**I decided to mix French and English a little more for the next chapter but i will always translate, i hope you will adore it. **_

_**I think it will be a short story nearly 3 chapters.**_

_**Don't forget to review, i love to read them ;)**_

_**See you next time! **_

_**Kisses.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again!**

**Here, I update this story quickly because i'm really in the mood to write it, i'm sorry for the Prisoner's fans ^^ (I promise, soon)**

**Thank you! Thank you very much for all the reviews! I love them all and it brings me great pleasure ;) **

**It's a little less intense but I think I kept the drama. **

**I hope you will enjoy it :D**

* * *

**CHAPTER 2 :**

_She left me._

I listen to her message for the hundredth time or maybe is it the thousandth? I don't remember.

Four months… It's been four months since she left me and I'm lost, I don't even know what's happening around me anymore. I'm broken: my heart is in pieces, million pieces. My mind is screaming constantly at me to do something, my soul is dying and my body is aching.

_She left me._

I am in pain, in so much pain.

I can't feel anything anymore: I can't feel the wind on my face, I can't feel the sun burning my skin, I can't smell the roses and I can't see you.

It seems the world lost all his colors and perfumes.

It's dark and cold.

It's empty and meaningless.

_You left me._

I always thought that if something happened to you or if you left me, the world would stop and the time would freeze.

But it's not the case.

Life goes on, people keep running, children are still screaming and playing but I, I'm a ghost among them.

It's like being held between two worlds, you have the impression to watch one of those old movies in black and white without sound, and you can't do anything but watch, you don't seem to really exist.

In such moment, you finally realize it's just a twist of common language. It's not the world who stops, it's your world who ends, it's your time who freezes, it's your life which is shattered.

I don't have any control over anything, every little chore or thing which were so simple in the past escape my hands easily.

_You left me._

I let you leave me.

I can't bear it, I can't stand it.

My parents already made me see all the best specialists of the country, trying to fix me as they so kindly put it.

But they don't know, they don't understand, they just want their trophy back…

But how could they?

You are the air I need to breath, you are my light in the darkness, my warm in the cold... You are the essence of my being, the reason as why I'm still alive.

And I abandoned you.

Your scent begins to fly away from my skin, the feel of your beautiful silky raven hair disappears from my fingertips, the sight of your magnificent emeralds is no longer than a lost dream and the memory of your cute moans and raged groans is fading little by little.

What have I done?

Oh mon bébé…

I am in the abyss of my sadness, in the depth of my pain, lost in my turmoil, plagued by my mistakes.

Mon ange, my Natsuki…

I am sorry, so sorry.

But you have destroyed me.

* * *

Since I left Japan, luck smiles at me.

My business expands pretty well and money is not an issue anymore. I must admit that choosing France to begin a career in fashion industry was a wise choice.

I have many opportunities to find contracts with different big brands like the ones I have with Victoria secret or Waxx. I work with talented people and I meet lots and lots of new personalities.

Oh and the best thing ever?

I have to talk, touch, work and manage a bunch of lingerie models and oh my god, they are so sexy I'm still trying to understand how I'm still alive and not dead from blood loss.

You should have heard Nao the last time I called, she was screaming so fucking loud at me to fuck them for her, it was hilarious. She even told me she would come and broke all hell in all the women's beds in France.

In fact, they did come; Mai's motherly nature didn't allow her to leave me alone one month without a proper checkup. And obviously, Nao and Chie followed along.

I can assure you, it was fucking memorable.

It was fire in the streets of Paris: I'm pretty sure Nao fucked in every monuments 'La tour Eiffel', 'L'Arc de Triomphe', 'Les Invalides' and so much more, Chie was so infatuated (and still is) with my principal model Aoi Senoh that she did weird stuffs to seduce her and Mai, she was so fascinated with the romantic side of the city, of the French in general and by the quality of the food, she was in heaven.

A real dream huh?

'Yeaaa Natsuki, you really are kickass, you succeeded! You have a new life!'

I would like to tell you "ohhh yaayy fucking amazing! My life is the best!" believe me, I would but I can't.

It would be a lie, a nasty one.

How many times did I run after some random girls just because they had wavy brunette hair?

How many times did I do a double take in the middle of the streets or just in the middle of a parade because I caught a faint flagrance of lavender?

How many times did I shoo a girl off of my bed because when I woke up, she wasn't you?

How many times did I buy dozens and dozens of green tea bags just to have the impression to keep a little something of you?

How many times did I come across all the news in Kyoto just to hear Kyoto-Ben voices again and again?

How many times did I pray for you to stop haunting me?

Too many.

The famous 'Ville Lumière' doesn't seem so brilliant when you're not around.

I'm so fucked up…

I miss you mon amour, I miss you so so much.

But I tried, I tried and I'm still trying to get over you and at the same time do I really want to?

While I was crying silent tears on my thoughts, leaned against the huge window which surmounted the whole capital, I feel two warm arms wrap around my waist and a sensual sultry voice whispers in my ear " Mmmm Bébé viens, le bain est prêt, le vin est débouché et je suis tellement …chaude." (Mmmm Baby come, the bath is ready, the wine is uncorked and I'm so…hot.)

I let my lust and the alcohol I drank earlier sink into my head and... I give in.

* * *

Slender fingers thrust knuckles deep in my flooded core.

Again.

And.

Again.

My body arches almost torturously, craving more and more skin to skin contact.

My mouth opens and a chorus of moans escapes my lips, louder and louder.

My nails scratch your back while you keep murmuring sweet nothing in my ear.

'MMMmm ma belle, tu es trempée… Je vais te faire crier.' (MMMmm beautiful, you are dripping wet…I will make you scream)

Your head lies in the crook of my neck, nipping and biting occasionally at my sensitive flesh making me crazy for more, crazy for you.

I gyrate my hips, I push up and down in sync with your movements, capturing you deeper and deeper and assuring the constant in and out of your fingers.

'Oui..ouiiii juste comme ça mon amour.. ahhh..laisse toi aller' (Yes..Yeeeees just like that my love..ahh..let it go)

Suddenly, your thumb hit my clit, once, twice, thrice and I lose the count, my eyes roll to the back of my head and when I feel your mouth around my nipple, sucking feverishly, I scream.

I scream your name, I scream my pleasure, I beg you to continue, I beg you to stop.

Every fiber of my body is yours and you make sure to remind them with every brush against your fingers, with every caress of your skin, with every kiss of your lips.

Our sweat melt together and our groans grown higher and higher.

I'm almost at the edge of my ecstasy, ready to spasm and cum like I never did before with you holding me tight and repeating 'Je suis la princesse, je suis la' (I'm here princess, I'm here)

Your emeralds stare endlessly in my rubies, showing all your emotions.

And I feel it, the intense warm drowning me in the pleasure of the Eden.

But I wake up, once again. It's just a dream, and I almost wish I don't wake up anymore.

Almost being the key word; because all of that is in the past, all of that is over.

I will wake up every morning, I will stand every day, I will walk, I will run and I will search for you.

Every second of every minute of every hour of every day I will search for you, without letting up.

Six months ago, you disappeared from the country, from my life and everything blacked out. I nearly died, no, I died, spiritually I died. But now, I have to stop this madness. I have to do something.

I can't live without you Natsuki, I just can't.

And if my parents can't accept it, if they can't accept you or what I am then, they're no family of mine.

I know I took my time to realize it, I know I needed you're disappearance and Haruka's yelling to get it to my head but I do now.

_After hearing all the fuss about their friend's condition, Yukino and Haruka, now happily married and presidents of the multinational Suzushiro-Chrysant, came to pay a little visit. _

_It was all for the sake of the green teas seller and their legendary rivalry, Haruka said rather smugly._

_When they entered her bedroom, it was dark, the curtains were closed and only a little ray of sun could filter. _

_A limp body was on the bed, hidden under a ton of blankets. Curiously, they approached and much to their horror, they discovered their weak friend._

_She was pale, her eyes were off as if the light ran away, in fact, if she didn't turn her head at the sound of their steps, they would have thought she was lifeless. _

_Shocked by the image of the usually so graceful, beautiful and immaculate Shizuru Viola,Yukino gasped loudly and Haruka exploded._

"_BUBUZUKE?! What the hell!"_

_Shizuru didn't answer and didn't even acknowledge Haruka's outburst. _

_Annoyed by the absence of reaction, Haruka saw red and pushed Yukino aside._

"_What's wrong with you BUBUZUKE! What are you playing at? We're not in one your sick games! This is real life!"_

"_Haruka…" began Yukino but was cut off quickly._

"_NO,no, NO! Look at her Yukino! She's… she's a fucking zombie! She isn't the Bubuzuke we know, she isn't even living!"_

_Yukino smiled sadly at her love, caressing her cheek softly to ease her pain and grabbed Shizuru's hand "We know Shizuru. We always knew you never ended your relationship with Natsuki even when you were forced to marry."_

_At the mention of her Natsuki's name, Shizuru whimpered "She left me"_

"_And what?!" yelled the loud blonde_

"_She left you and that's it? The world ends and everything is shitty?"_

_Shizuru tried to turn away but surprisingly, Yukino caught her and forced her to face Haruka with a tender knowing look._

"_Don't you get it? After all those years, after all these moments with her, won't you fight? Will you just lay here, waiting for your death?" _

_Tears tainted the brunette's skin but she couldn't look away from her friend anymore, touched and shaken by her words, the reality hitting her straight to the face._

"_She's a fighter! You took a fighter Shizuru! So fight! Fight for her! Search for her, find her and bring her back!-"_

_Crimson eyes widened slightly at the use of her name. Haruka never, NEVER used her real name except for emergency like the end of the world or death issues._

"_- What do you want Bubuzuke? Do you want to stay like this or do you want to be with her? "_

_Her voice softened considerably when she looked at her wife_

" _You know, I will do anything for Yukino, I will run all around the word, I will cross the ocean by swimming… Screw your parents, screw Kanzaki, you have the choice, you always have."_

_Before going out rather dramatically, Yukino added one more time_

"_I trust you. I trust in the choice you will make and you know why? Because the Shizuru I knew, the Kaichou I knew fought for what she believed was right, because she never gave up and because I never saw her smile as wide as if she possessed the ninth marvel of the world since the first moment she kissed her Snow White."_

And I will fight.

I will fight Natsuki, I will fight for you. I will fight like I never did before.

I will do everything right because nothing matter but you.

You are everything, everything is you, everything to me.

Just wait mon Coeur, I'm coming.

**TBC...**

* * *

**I promise more romanticism for the next chapter(s)**

**I hope I didn't disappoint you.**

**Don't forget to let me a little review, I appreciate them a lot!**

**Kisses**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Kitty, kitty, kitty! *Yes, I enjoyed myself here***_

_**I apologize, I changed my mind and wrote this chapter before the final one. I needed some coherence with the way Shizuru used to find Natsuki and how she managed everything.**_

_**There is a lot of Shizuru and just a little of Natsuki. It was important for me to show the evolution in the head and life of my characters. (Mainly Shizuru here)**_

_**Thank you very much for the reviews, I read them all and will take notice of your remarks for the next chapter.**_

_**Please, enjoy!**_

* * *

**CHAPTER N°3 :**

Everything went so fast. I often have the impression it was yesterday i decided to throw all my life away for you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it's just… how can I say it? Troubling? Strange?

But I don't regret anything. I never will, even if you don't want me back.

I'm free.

I feel so carefree, so light, the world opens in front of me, and life has opportunities.

It's not just fate.

I can choose. For once, I have the choice, I can make MY decision.

I have an impact.

You were right mon Coeur, I always had the choice…

At the time, I just chose to ignore it. I was blind and I buried myself in my role of 'little doll daughter'. I wanted my parents to be proud, I wanted to be loved by my family.

I was scared, I still am but I see my life otherwise.

Can you understand that?

Well, if you do, you would be the first *nervous laughs*

**Flashback**

_I opened the door of our office without even knocking and strode in front of Reito's desk, I was determined, I was sure of myself, I was smiling or more grinning?_

_Reito was surprised at first and then put his most charming grin, eying me up and down appreciatively._

"_Ara Reito-kun?" I sang sweetly_

"_Hmmm yes?" he answered seductively. _

"_I want a divorce." I stated sternly, changing the atmosphere rather quickly._

_His face fell immediately and a deep frown appeared "What?!"_

"_ . ." I repeated lowlier but still firmly._

_Anger._

_His anger was clearly written in his face, deforming his oh so lovely features (sarcasm mouhahhahah)_

"_What the hell Shizuru?! This isn't funny! Not at all."_

"_Ara ara, Reito-kun is in deny but he is lucky I'm still here, I will clarify everything; We divorce and I'm leaving." I replied venomously._

"_You don't know what you're talking about, go to sleep! You're tired.." He ordered like a real macho._

"_No." I trailed a little and added "For once, I'm doing what I want! You will receive the papers tomorrow and that's final" _

_He stood up abruptly and hit the desk with his fist._

"_Is that all I'm earning? For being the perfect gentleman during two years? For being extremely patient? For never pushing you? For never touching you because you were 'not ready'? Oh no honey, you don't know what you're doing and what it implies!-" He is tensed, completely furious, his eyes reflected pure rage "-If you leave this house, I will cancel the deal! I will drag your family business in the mud and destroy it! You will have no more money, no more fame, you will have nothing!"_

_I chuckled loudly, amused by his despair and stupid attempt of blackmail "Just do that Reito, I don't care. But have I to remind you that half of the Kanzaki's Empire's capitals are in Viola's industries? And if you try sweetheart, it would be not just my family business which will be in ashes… Too bad."_

_I turned around and began walking away from him but was interrupted by the sound of his chair scrapping the floor._

"_This is her fault, isn't it? THIS filthy woman!" He spat disdainfully._

_I faced him, eyes wide and shocked. Did he know? All this time he knew?_

"_Did you really think I was this stupid, blind? Did you really think I wouldn't notice your little late visits, your little stays over, your long phone calls late at night? You didn't smell of lavender and vanilla like you used to but more of the wild sea… You underestimated me baby… But I didn't say anything: I let you have your fun. You would have kept your whore if it had stayed secret, I wouldn't have minded, but now? You want to humiliate me?!" At the end of his lament, he was screaming like a little boy who had his new toy confiscated._

"_Humiliate you?!-" I let an exasperated sigh escape my mouth "-It isn't about you! Or any of our families, friends or whatever, it's about me! Don't you get it? I'm not yours or a pretty little thing my parents can parade with! I'm a human for god's sake! I don't care anymore, I will do whatever I want! And right now? I will leave all your shits and go away."_

_I know, Shizuru Viola never ever swears but that? That was before._

_I strode away from him but before going through the door, I stopped one last time _

"_Oh and by the way, she is not a filthy whore… she is MY woman, asshole."_

_You would be proud my Natsuki, if I didn't know better, I would have bet it was you talking, not me._

_As I walked in the fresh air of the night, I heard some objects crashed and loud swears._

_I never felt so happy and free, well except when I was with you but this, it will be soon my love._

You could easily imagine what happened next? My mom called, all angry and authoritarian.

I didn't flinch. I didn't scream. I didn't even cry.

I just give up…

I don't want to be a way to success, I just want a family who cheer me up when I'm sad, who support me in my choices, who tell me what I am doing wrong. I want a mum who hugs me, a dad who protects me.

But I don't…

So why going on like this? No reason.

I remember in High School a teacher told us once 'Follow your heart and not what they say… One day, when you will be older, you will understand and I hope that, that day you will make the right decision. Your head-' She mentioned to her temple '-it's not always the best shot.'

I understand now.

Two or three years later, I understand. Thank you professor, thank you so much, I will follow your advice.

I follow my heart.

I follow you Natsuki.

* * *

I feel dirty…

All these hands which aren't yours, all these lips, all these nails, hair, eyes, skins and fluids which aren't yours…

They tainted my body, they tainted my skin but at the end, they never reach my soul. She is completely yours, she doesn't even try to accept your disappearance in my life. She doesn't want the others.

She wants you.

Only you.

And it makes me so dirty and so angry at the same time…

You're so fucking much under my skin!

Even when I try to not think of you, even when I try to live without you, you're still here! Your voice is in my head, your touch is a ghost on my skin…

It's hard!

I had thought that I had left this part of my life behind, that when I had left Japan, I had resolved my problems too…

Ohh I was wrong.

Look at me now! I'm a pathetic little sheep who is dying from lovesickness!

What a shame! I, I who am called 'the French Wolf' in the fashion's world, I, I who am a reference in the lingerie's world…

I make a good impression when Mai calls or when my friends come to see me, you know 'Don't worry everything is fine!', 'I have everything under control' or something else in the same style.

But finally, if you gaze straight through me, you will know. You will know the truth.

I am scared.

Did I do the right choice?

Will I be able to live without you?

Will I be able to be without you?

I am angry.

I'm trapped in a sort of swirl of emotions.

Oh… I am angry.

* * *

'Knock, knock, knock'

"Just a minuuuute please!" Mai's voice resounds loudly.

I know it's a little late and the coffee closed one hour ago but I can't wait any longer

I want to know, I need to know and who should know better than her best friends? They are always together, hanging out in the coffee, eating, talking, fighting and laughing.

This is the best place to begin

"Don't bother Mai, I'll get it!" Nao yells loudly

I hear her footsteps come closer and with little creaks, the door opens.

Nao comes into view and I see her face falls and her features twitch

"Ara, Nao wha-"

She cuts me quickly and slams the door in my face rather rudely.

"Oh Hell no!"

"Nao! What are you doing?! Are you crazy? Mai's gonna kill us!"

Hurried footsteps come fast and the door re-opens.

This time, it's Chie, but just like Nao, her face changes quickly and a big frown appears…

"Sorry, but we're closed, come back in another life maybe"

Annnnd the door is slammed on my face once again.

Okay… I know that they never really loved me with all I put on Natsuki and the fact that I am the main reason that she left the country is not helping but I wasn't expecting this either.

"Ara…"

"GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE DOOR?! WHO WAS KNOCKING? AND WHY EVERYONE IS SCREAMING? "

"Humm you're screaming too…Héhé ~~"

*SMACK*

"Aw Aw Aw! That hurts!"

"Stop being an idiot and I will stop hitting you! Who knocked?"

"Oh euhh.. No one, It was just an accident" Chie answers uncertain.

"Okaayyy… What have you done?" Mai says suspicious

Maybe it's a little cruel but I chose this moment to knock once again.

'Knock,knock'

"An accident huh? I already told you to not let Mikoto alone outside! This isn't funny!"

A loud scratching noise resounds in the empty coffee and Mai speaks firmly "SIT DOWN. And don't move."

The door opens in a swift movement and Mai stops, totally dumbfounded.

"Ara, good evening Mai-san. Kanina, I know it's late but can I talk to you for a moment? Please?"

She opens and closes her mouth like a fish, completely speechless. All the colors of her face disappear in a second and her eyes are so wide I can see my reflection in them.

How can I blame her? My clothes are torn, my hair disheveled, my eyes are still wet and puffy from all the crying, I am pale, my make-up is fucked up…

In brief, the ex-princess of amethyst is no longer: her grace, her perfection and her beauty a distant memory.

She recovers as rapidly as she can and smiles "Ah, what a surprise, good-evening Kanzaki-san, please, come in."

I bow respectfully to her absence of hostility and enter "Okini… But please, call me Shizuru or Fujino, whatever you prefer, I'm no longer a wife or a part of the Viola family."

Nao grunts and adds "Waoh! You want a medal for that? About time you leave the asshole's side but if you want my humble opinion, maybe a little late."

"Nao! " hisses Mai angrily.

"Nao what Mai?! Do you really want to hear her? Do you really want to sell her Natsuki? Be honest! If she's here, it's for this one and only reason. I don't want to do anything with her-" She gestures annoyed in my direction "-It's her fault! It's her fault if Natsuki left and not for her business' ambition, we all know that!" The end is just whispered, pain and desire of revenge mixed.

I knew all of this, I cried because of that all the tear possible in an entire life but to hear it from a person really dear for her, from a person she considers as family, it hurts so much more.

I cast my eyes on the floor, drowning in shame and self-pity.

"I-"

"You have to admit _Fujino-san..._that after what you did to Natsuki since the beginning of this masquerade, we have no obligation and we certainly not want to help you destroy Natsuki once more." Chie confirms

Mai shakes her head sadly but doesn't meet my eyes.

Kami...

When Haruka came to put me back in the world, when I stood up for the first time in four month, when I finally realized you weren't there anymore, I promised myself that I would never give up.

I was determined.

I am still determined, more than ever.

"What do you know about me? About Natsuki and I? About our relationship? I love her! I fucking love her! But every time we tried, every time we seemed to find a little bit of happiness, my family or my reputation came back in our faces and destroyed everything! And I know, I know pretty well that I wasn't fair, that I hurt her, us, and that I am the main part in our 'break up' but they were my family! My blood! My own flesh!"

My frustration, my anger, my despair, my love, all of these emotions comes rushing in my voice. It's my heart who talks now not my head.

"I was confused! Ripped in two between my love and my family, my duties and my heart! And all this pressure… I had to make a choice…" _My voice lows almost like a murmur, shadowed by the memory of pain _"But I couldn't… How could I? There was jealousy too but for Christ's sake I never NEVER let him touch me! And she didn't believe me… She left! She left me!"

I point my finger at them and speak softly, my tone laced with fatality "Not you, me. She left me."

"It's hell, purely and simply hell… My life has no sense without her by my side! I can't make the difference between day and night; it's always grey for me. I dream of her every time, I long for her touch, for her kisses. She is my muse, my love, my everything, my fucking entire life! Where there is life, there's hope… I don't have hope anymore…"

My throat is strangled, I'm fighting to get my words

"I can't see my bright future anymore… The little children with beautiful navy hair and brillian crimsons running around my legs disappear with her and I can't bear it!

I threw all my life away for her.

No more family, no more husband, money or fame. I don't care for that!

I just want her, I need her.

Please, help me! Let me explain to her and I will let her after, I swear.

I will even let Nao beat me if I fail.

Je l'aime! Putain, je l'aime! (I love her! Fuck, I love her!)

Please, I'm head over heels for her!"

A long and heavy silence follows her declaration. All touched by the emotional speech and image of the new Shizuru.

* * *

A cold shiver runs through my body.

The type of shiver who warns you about a big event: bad or good, it doesn't matter, at the end, you're still surprised.

I just hope it's not about my fashion parade, it's very important tonight and it could bring me a lot of investors.

I don't need another shitty problem right now, it's about to begin! And I already had to deal with emotional and jealous models.

Well, maybe I shouldn't have 'sleep' with the Russian sisters in the same night… But hey! It wasn't my fault, they practically jumped on me!

I can hear Nao from here"Fuck yeah!" with a big smirk. Yeurk, I'm becoming like her, I must be in big trouble…

I shake my thoughts away and make a quick check on the collection and my models to be sure everything will be perfect.

I am helping one of the principal and most important girl with her camisole when I smell it.

The change of atmosphere.

A cold breeze hits my burning skin. A faint hint of mixed vanilla makes its way near my nose.

I feel it. My soul roars in life, my body shivers, my heart beats again and my nerves rakes every inch of my skin like electricity.

I could never forget these symptoms. Nor my body it seems.

I know.

It's her.

**TBC…**

* * *

_**Nyyahahahaha Cliffhanger! I like it! *The author feels like a sadist and loves it***_

_**Sorry my little kittens I will torture you a little longer. **_

_**Please, don't forget to review, it's a super boost to write and they are so much appreciated. Tell me what you think ;)**_

_**Kisses**_


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